Ryu: No it’s not!
Chibi-Rya: Shhh!
Albireo: (Regaining conscoiusness but in a drunken like stupor) Mommy?
I hurt all over…
Chibi-Rya: Don’t worry! I’ll kiss you where it hurts! Now show Mommy…
Albireo: Get away from me! (Regains sense of reality) I’m supposed
to be narrating now!
Chibi-Rya: Oh crap.
Albireo: Our story starts in Dragnier, a crappy shithole town fitting
for our hero. (Ryu: Hey!) The desert town is nearly barren wasteland with
only a few shabby houses still standing. Ryu currently lives with his grandfather
training to someday follow his destiny.
Grandfather: Ryu today is…
Ryu: I’m not Ryu! My name is Jason! My insane grandfather just calls
me Ryu.
Chibi-Rya: Your grandfather is not insane I… (Sees Ryu’s grandfather
talking to dead houseplant.)
Grandfather: Look here Peco (to a dead houseplant) you must help Ryu
on his journey. (Arranges dead leaves into a face)
Ryu: (smiles smugly)
Chibi-Rya: (!) Umm…I guess he is but you are still Ryu! So today
you must go out and seek your destiny because you are now sixteen and considered
ready.
Ryu: I’m not doing anything. I like Dragnier…
Albireo: (snickering) You actually like this crappy desert town?
Ryu: The narrator isn’t supposed to be a part of the conversation,
you moron!
Chibi-Rya: What about Nina? (Holds up picture of the usually small
skirted and tightly clad Nina) I think she would be very disappointed if
she couldn’t adventure with her handsome Ryu.
Ryu: I uh well I mean (laughs VERY excitably) I’d be very HAPPY to
do this destiny thing, heh heh.
Albireo: Oh brother. So our “hero” prepares himself to make the
long journey. He will only have his feet to carry him across the world…
Ryu: I’m using the teleporter in the town you dumbass!
Albireo: (falls down in anime-type frustration) You don’t get to use
the teleporter until the end of the game!
Ryu: This is not BOF III! I can use it now.
Albireo: (After this he’s going to pay!) So Ryu steps onto the teleport
station and…
Grandfather: You can’t forget Peco! (gives dead houseplant to Ryu)
Ryu: I’m not taking that dead plant with me.
Grandfather: (sobs) You can’t forgot poor loyal Peco…
Ryu: Yes I can!
Grandfather: Wahhhh! (Cries very animeish with rivers of tears going
down his cheeks)
Ryu: Alright I’ll take it, just stop crying!
Albireo: So Ryu has a new ally Peco (the dead houseplant!) which is
probably a better character than Ryu anyway! And now Ryu is teleporting
to…
Ryu: Windia! (heh heh)
Albireo: (rolls eyes) Windia is not until later. You have to start
at Dauna Mine.
Ryu: What?!? Why?
Albireo: It’s in the script! (flashes a wad of paper)
Ryu: Unfair… (pouts like a child)
Albireo: Ahem, Ryu is now teleporting to the Dauna Region, but unfortunately
he’ll still have to go through the mountain pass, woods and past the dreadful
Syn City.
Ryu: You really make this too easy. (sarcastically)
Albireo: (sneers) Part of the job Ryu!
Ryu: Hey I want to go to Syn City now!
Albireo: Why?
Ryu: (whispers something to Albireo that cannot be heard by young viewers!)
In the background….
Albireo: What…Can’t you wait for Nina…Sicko…
Ryu: I’m not a Sicko! I’m human. (Unlike some people think they aren’t…)
Albireo: (pissed) Stop wasting time already! If you want to get to
your precious Nina then get going!
Ryu: grumblegrumblegrumble
Albireo: Hordes of monsters and the temptations of Syn City can
not stop our hero as he marches to Dauna Mine. He is determined to get
on with this story so that he can (beep!) with Nina. (Sees Chibi-Rya’s
angry stare) Oh! I meant save the world from Myria! Yeah!
Chibi-Rya: If you don’t behave Albireo…
Albireo: I will! I promise!
Ryu: (humming to the tune: You can your leave hat on) And just your
hat!
Chibi-Rya: Gah! This is not just about you and Nina you asshole. Hurry
up! You should be at Dauna already!
Ryu: It isn’t? Darn!
Albireo: After some encouragement (Chibi-Rya: Get moving!) Ryu finally
reaches his first destination.
Ryu: Okay, okay. Let’s get to mine and fight some monsters to get this
over with.
Albireo: Not yet you have to talk to the miners first, for information.
Ryu: Bullshit! The people in towns give out the most obvious and stupid
information. We’d just waste time with those losers.
Albireo: This is a RPG! It’s mandatory that you talk with the miners.
Ryu: Fine if it will make you happy. (sarcastically)(Goes to a group
of miners)
Miner1: Dauna Mine is scary and dark!
Miner2: There’s also monsters!
Miner3: I like pie!
Miner1: What does that have to do with anything?
Miner3: I…I (confused) like…pie?
Miner2: (sigh)
Ryu: See?
Albireo: Then just go to the Mine already! (pushes Ryu to the mine)
Dogman: Wait up! You should be careful there’s ghosts in the mine!
Ryu: Ghosts? What the hell is this? Scooby Doo?
Dogman: Bark! (translates to: Fucker)
Ryu and Albireo: (Start laughing uncontrollably)
Dogman: (angry) Fine you can go by your self!
Albireo: Wait a minute, that dogman is supposed to join your group!
You have to get him back.
Ryu: Why? I don’t need him. I have Peco. (holds up the dead plant)
Albireo: Would you rather go into a dark, spooky, mine full of monsters
with just a dead plant?
Ryu: (shrugs) Fine I’ll go get him back. Hey come here doggie!
Dogman: (holds up middle finger)
Ryu: (sweatdrops) Can you at least tell us your name?
Dogman: My name is Bow.
Albireo: (To Chibi-Rya) Oh that’s very original. (sarcastically)
Chibi-Rya: Shut up and move on already!
Ryu: Come on and join us already, we don’t got all day.
Bow: Us?
Ryu: Me and Peco. (points to the plant)
Bow: You’re sick.
Ryu: I…oh never mind! How about if I gave you some Scooby Snacks?
Bow: Argh!
Albireo and Ryu: Mwuahahahahahaha!
Bow: That’s it! I’ve had it with you! (lunges at Ryu)
Albireo: (cringes in disgust) Owww…that’s gotta hurt. But as the
pair is beginning to fight the ground begins to shake.
Ryu: Hey! Stop biting my butt…hey what’s that?
Bow: mpphmhphmhmph? (jaws locked on Ryu’s rump.)
Albireo: Then the ground pulls apart taking just Ryu and Bow into
the caverns of the mine.
Ryu and Bow: Waaaahhhhhhh!
Albireo: Well that finally got them into the mine. Heh heh.
Chibi-Rya: Good job! (slaps Albireo butt)
Albireo: What hell is it with you and people’s butts?
Chibi-Rya: Well it’s mostly yours I like.
Albireo: Argh!
Ghost1: Hey we get to torment them the next chapter.
Ghost2: I don’t know…they sound like assholes to me.
Ghost3: BOOOOOO!
Ghost1: Not yet you moron!
Ghost3: Boo?
Ghost2: Damn this story is already lame!
BigBossGhost: Mwuahhahahahahahaha!